Friday, March 5, 2010

Make me an Offer.

I love to yard sale.
I love to go sift through other people's crap and give them my money so it can be MY crap.
JUST because it's maybe sorta on the white trashy side, that is NO reason to not have some freaking MANNERS about how you "sell".
I have decided to list a few things that *I* feel everyone in the world should be born knowing.
1. PUT A PRICE ON YOUR CRAP! I'll elaborate. I HATE when I go up to the yard/garage sale and there isn't anything indicating how much the items cost. For one, I don't really feel like asking WHOEVER it is in charge (and sometimes it's hard to figure that out) "How much is this?" I want to see how much they want/think it's worth, and act accordingly. I'm not one to talk down prices a WHOLE lot, unless I can see that they're desperate, but I want to just KNOW HOW MUCH THEY WANT FOR THE CRAP! If you're too lazy to put a tag on each thing, do what one CLASSY YARD SELLER did! Put a sign on one table that says "ONE DOLLAR TABLE" and another was a "FIVE DOLLAR TABLE"
What a concept.
I don't want to say "How much is this?" for another reason... And THAT reason is: They are more prone to make the crap cost more, also, I don't want you to know I'm interested in case you're one of those jerks that says my next rule...
2. "MAKE ME AN OFFER." No. I do NOT want to make you an offer. I've been burned by this before. Lady, this is your CRAP that you no longer want. Don't tell me to make an offer unless you're willing to take what I offer.
Anecdote: There was an old stained glass window. Beautiful. HOWEVER, the bottom was BROKEN and the lead welding was bent up and I would have to do some serious work to it. I sigh and ask "How much is this?" "Make me an offer." I say "Ok, five bucks." That's what *I* thought it was worth. Garbage seller got all offended and said "No.. no.. I can't go that low for that." Ok, well why did you tell me to make an offer, ya stupid idiot?
I did, lightly point out to her, that it was broken... and left.. I was sorta uncomfortable after that.. she really did take my five dollar offer that SHE brought on, personally.
3. I DO NOT CARE what you paid for the now crap item. No I don't. I just LOVE when I'm forced to ask "How much?" and the person says "Well, lets see... hmmmm hem haw hem haw... well I paid 15 dollars for that and never used it.. blah blah blah...." Really? You paid FIFTEEN dollars for this melted candle that's all dusty? And back in 1983? WOW! I'm robbing you blind here!
4. Stop laying your trash on the driveway and calling it a yard sale. I swear, one time, it looked like someone was too lazy to drag the can to the curb and dumped it out on the driveway and called it a "yard sale" Items like broken old answering machines and old brick sized cell phones. Wires that go to who knows what? Old ugly fake Tupperware. Look, I followed your shoddy signs all the way to your house.. do me a favor and put something out that actual people might want. ALSO: No one wants your FADED comforters! They gross me out! Ariel's hair was RED not white!
5. On your sign PLEASE tell us that you only have baby and kid stuff. I don't want to get outta my car and find there are only car seats and naked Barbies.
6. Don't watch me! Even if I'm the only person at your crappy yard sale. I know you're watching me. It's obvious. Fine. But you don't have to go and say something every time I pick something up "That's 50 cents... oh that's brand new..." (By the way, it is NOT brand new or I would be buying it in a store.)
7.If I go to your sale, and end up not wanting anything, stop getting all butt hurt. Look, maybe I'm just out for one thing in particular that day. Or MAYBE I didn't want to ask how much every SINGLE thing cost. I'm leaving.. and it doesn't mean I don't adore your junk.
8. Do NOT.. under any circumstances, let your kids be "cashier" or run the show. Look, not to be rude, but I don't think little Billy is all grown up and handsome and smart. I'm not getting a kick out of him dealing with the "shoppers". I don't need some kid telling me how much the stuff cost and then not being able to make correct change. I'm sure the little creep has some homework to catch up on.. send him back in the house. It's not my fault he can't make any friends and has to hang around the house all the time. Stop punishing me. Go and buy him some friends with your money from your LAST yard sale.
9. When you're selling clothes, a good idea would be to hang them up on a rack of some sort. Or at least FOLD them and put them on a table. Don't be a slob and dump them in a pile on the ground! EW!
10. If you have something that someone bought, and they have to come back to get it because, maybe it's big and heavy.... why don't you put a sign on it that says "SOLD"?????? You're getting people's hopes all up! Look, I understand the idea that it gets people to stop and walk in and possibly buy more stuff.. but make the sign little at LEAST... so we'll stop opening and closing the drawers. I mean if *I* bought a dresser and had to come back, I would rather people weren't testing it out and wearing it down even FURTHER. These simple rules, that would SEEM to be common sense, are not hard to live by. In fact, you can buy very fancy price stickers at the Dollar Tree! Isn't that wonderful????
It breaks my heart right in two to think there are people out there who just don't follow these rules already.
Hopefully my listing these all out will inspire people to print this, and take it around to yard/garage/estate sales.
If we work together,it probably won't make the world a better place, but perhaps we can all get some cool crap, with minimal huffing and puffing!

2 comments:

  1. Hear, hear! These rules should be printed in some sort of handbook. Maybe "The Idiot's Guide to Yard Sales" or something...

    This sorta goes along with your kid cashier rule, but I don't want your mangy dog humping my leg while I look at your ceramic unicorn menagerie, either! Down Fido!

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  2. Yeah.. I hated the child cashier. If you let yourt kid be cashier at your yard sale, I curse you.. I curse you that no matter what college education he gets, he'll wind up working as a Walmart cashier.. living with a girlfriend he will never marry, who is older than him... older, but not smarter as he will cheat on her continuously and yet, she stays... again, I digress... but I hold to the curse!

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