Red.

Some days, Fiona Apple can say it best.. and say it all....



I don't understand about complementary colors
And what they say
Side by side they both get bright
Together they both get gray

But he's been pretty much yellow
And I've been kinda blue
But all I can see is
Red, red, red, red, red now
What am I gonna do

Not Skipping

Somedays I hate my life. Like today.

I hate my job. I'm addicted to Norco. I'm OUT of Norco. And yes, I realize being addicted to pain pills is bad.. but I finally realized I'm addicted because when I run out, I'm two skips away from suicide. Lucky for my loved ones... I am not in the mood for fucking skipping.

At work, one of "my things" is I stop payments on claims for patients. Put simply, I'm a monkey and when the important people say "This is no good.. we do not cover this" then they send me the information, and I enter it.. putting in the stop. All this information is unimportant, really. But what frustrates me is when the nurse or doctor or lawyer sends me the "Do it, Monkey." they often times forget to give me important information that I need to begin. Things like effective dates...

I then get to email shit like this..

"Good morning! Could you please give me the effective dates on this claim? THANK YOU!!!!"

I would LIKE it to go like this..

"Good Morning, Dipshit. I need the dates so I can do your bidding. Oh, and don't come back to me saying I didn't do this fast enough. You didn't include important information. Why are you such an Ass? Thanks!"

But I can't. I have to kiss up and I have to please and thank you. Yes.. there are worse things to do at a job. I know this. But today... I need my little high. Without it, I keep remembering I hate my life.



Also, the pretty boy at work picks his nose and eats it.

I've not yet witnessed the eating. I admit. I've seen the digging. But he HAS been reported to the boss...(by two seperate people!) and she's checking in with HR to see how she goes about saying "Stop eating your boogers ya sick feck." without doing anything inappropriate... like eating boogers, (Not to mention.. she loves the guy.. when I say "loves" I mean it).

I swear to God.. he better not do it when I can see. If I'm not throwing up, I'm gonna make a scene.

I will do it. Have no doubt.
He also hocks into his trash can... he's pretty classy.

Did I mention I hate this guy? Because I do.

Dream of Sleep

I'm at work. Having the harderst time working. I wish I worked with someone who would distract me and not make it so miserable.

When I worked with Lisa.. It was always fun to come to work. Even when we were actually working.

Now I'm at work and I have no one to babysit me. So I have to be here and day dream of naps.
Seriously, before I even got out of bed today, I was planning my next nap.

It being Friday is no help. I'm off at noon but I'll be taking Kendall to the dentist. I'd rather be at work. Not a lot of things that I'd rather be at work than.... And that's one of them. Maybe I can take a nap in my car. When she's in the dentist's office.

That's all I have to say today. I'm pretty tired if that's not obvious. So.. Yeah.

Hoe Down.

So this morning.. at my son's school.. at 8:05 in the morning.. there was a Hoe Down... yes, I said "Hoe" and I'll say Ho, too.. because there was a little 5th grade girl in short shorts and a see through top... and yes, her mother let her leave the house this way...




It was chilly this morning.. I was shivering.. in my hoody... and there she was in her ho outfit for the Hoe Down.




James informed me the NIGHT before, that he was supposed to dress in "Western Wear". I am proud to say, we do not own anything that would be classified as Western Wear. However! I was able to find him a shirt that would work.

It's his dad's.. I was shocked to see, it didn't exactly fall off, or drown James.

I also noticed, when I kissed his head, I didn't have to bend down at all.
I'm not sure when that happened.. but it did.

He's grown up. He even has "Ball Fro" (My term, not his)... I know that's a little personal.... but I figure, what the Hey? Never stopped me before.

I get up at 6.. sometimes 5 am every day for work... and so 8:05 am isn't really all that early.. but know what? It is for a Hoe Down. It really is.

I thought the Hoe Down would just be square dancing.. but boy was I wrong... it was also LINE dancing... I was a little pissed that they taught that to my son. They also had him dancing to Dancing Queen. I didn't even KNOW that was Hoe Down music. Shows what *I* know.

There was a little cowboy there.. he was really in to this dance.. I had to take his picture, but I don't think it came through...

I'm a bad mom and didn't bring my camera to the Hoe Down... and I had to take pictures with my phone. Terrible pictures, but the idea comes through.

And yes, I am fully aware that James needs a haircut... oh.. and maybe he should have brushed it... but I'm really trying for that Bad Mom Award.









Here he twirls his pardner... I'm not sure if I liked her or not... she seemed like a bitch.

You didn't do it.

I'm wondering why people who get their stomach stapled think they lost the weight on their own.

I know a woman personally who has her stomach stapled. I told her my sister in law had lost over 200 pounds.. by cutting calories... ON HER OWN! Staples said "Well I lost over 100 in a year!" and I thought.. "Well, yeah.. but you had the gastric bypass... so of COURSE you lost weight... this was actually a STRUGGLE for my sister in law."

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying they shouldn't have the surgery. By all means.. whatever you have to. Whatever you want to.. whatever works...

What confuses me, is how the person who got the surgery seems to think a few things..

Maybe they're delusional.

Let me make a few truths known:

Truth #1. You didn't earn this.

Like I said, somehow there people think they have lost all the weight on their own. Being of their OWN "willpower" and working hard to lose all that weight.

Lets face it.

You went to a Doctor. You convinced them to cut you open and make your stomach small.. and then sew you back up. You didn't even have to be AWAKE for this, let alone do anything.

Truth #2. You look like shit.

People who have the surgery have to get surgery AGAIN later on, to get rid of the saggy baggy. They look GAUNT besides...

The woman who I happen to know personally, has terrible flab arms..and not sag skin on the arms.. FATNESS on it.. still.... and her boobs are disgusting hanging sacks of wrinkled skin.. looking as though they have sand in the bottom of the skin sacks... and her face looks terrible as well... she keeps wearing skimpy things and she really shouldn't be wearing skimpy things...

Compared to what she USED to weigh, sure, she's MUCH "thinner" but to the "untrained" eye... she's still a fat pig... and she doesn't need to be wearing what she's wearing... after all, hot pants are not a right.. they're a privilege.



Truth #3. You didn't do this for "health reasons" and we all know it.

Since you have medical problems, this that and the other, you qualify.. but lets face it... your back, hip, diabetes is bothering you now more than ever because your insurance will pay if you qualify medically.

You want to look better.. and who doesn't??? But lets stop lying to ourselves *although it would be a good idea to keep lying to your medical insurance provider*



And finally Truth #4... Now that you did this, you might want to give up the sweats.

I can't believe the amount of people who work with me who went to ALL the "trouble" and "work" and "effort" to get the gastric bypass.... only to wear shitty ugly mom clothes and do nothing with that mousy hair! Put some fucking make up on! Take some pride in yourself! You lost some weight! And no, I don't want you to pull out the miniskirt, but how about losing the jeans with the elastic waist?

Wash your hair?

Something.

Doing your best is overrated.

Mother's Day is coming.

I hate Mother's Day. I can't stand how for one, it's more reason to let a mother be an asshole.. you know Father's Day rarely gets the same level of hype. But Mother's Day... oh yes.. you have to go all kinds of nuts for a mother.. or she'll cry or be deeply injured.

My mother is the worst. She's the worst in the regard that she doesn't want you to DO anything... she says she prefers something home made.. even a card.. maybe if you'd go to church with her (Fuck that) or even just call her up.. that would be wonderful.....

She's very convincing...

So if you DO just the "minimal"...that SHE asked for.. she is unhappy..

You won't hear about it until you are in one of her famous email fights. Or verbal fights.. one of the fights where she accuses you of turning your back on "the family" because you didn't take a week off for Thanksgiving and stayed in a house with your brother's mistress. Forget the fact that most people meet for T.G. DINNER and then go HOME. Forget the fact that we stayed three days... and that was very big of me considering the fact that the mistress being there was a "surprise". Forget the fact, that *I* can not take that kind of time off work for the holidays. I turn my back on my family.

But if you think about it.. they turn their back on ME.

It is a well known fact... well known, but unspoken..... that if you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day SAINTS, and you have someone in your family who has "fallen away" you need to try your best to coax them back... sometimes root beer and rice crispies suffice. Other times, it takes constant stalking of two young men or women, in white shirts with name tags to do the trick.. or other stalkers from said church... however, when you have a "sheep" who is lost.. and has gone as far as to say "I do not believe in what you do. I choose a different path than this"... the unspoken, but well known is... scrape them off.... treat them in a way that will make them feel and be alone. They turn their back... when they "Choose the Wrong"

It wasn't just me who turns back, is all I can say.

If I don't do anything,for her on M Day, I'll feel bad.. if I DO.. I worry it won't be enough. And why do I do that? Why care?



I do love my mom... I love her very much.. but sometimes, I do not like her.

And I guess that's okay.

I could tell you STORIES about my mom. And maybe I will have to do just one a week.

But man oh man... could I tell you some crazy stories.. most of them even TRUE!

As for what to do for Mother's Day.... I'll have figure that one out. Like I said, it's hard because if I say I want to do X, she'll say it would be a better idea for me to do Y. X is a bad idea... Why on Earth would I do X??It's always too much, and never enough.

Unlovable.

So... I work in an office. In my office, there are people who have plants.

I don't like plants in the office. Don't get me wrong, they're pretty and all that. It's just that when people over water them, they bring in these little gnats and stuff... grosses me out.. makes me nuts.

Plant owners think everyone has to have a plant. Not just them.

Some one I sit next to has a plant.. and it's over flowing to MY desk. I think she thinks I should be happy about this... I am not. It's crowding up MY things and I don't want it there. If I wanted it there, I would get my OWN plant to allow to over grow.



If this was a yard at a house, and her plant was in my space, I'd be allowed to cut it.. but in the office, I have to pretend it isn't pissing me off.

Someone even bought me a cactus. She didn't see me as a desk plant person (I wonder why) and said I "needed" a plant... so here's my "plant".. a cactus.




I don't mind the cactus so much to tell the truth, but I'd rather have it at home.

But I can't TAKE it home, or I'm the asshole who is rude when given gifts.

Know what I DO want? Flowers. I wouldn't mind having some flowers on my desk.

I can't remember the last time I had flowers sent to my desk. Not even on my birthday last year. Not mother's day.. not Valentine's... not ever. And if you don't feel sorry enough for me yet... listen to THIS.. my last birthday, I had lunch at my OWN DESK! Let me tell you, I was feelin pretty picked on... although, again, it does force me to take a long hard look at myself.. and wonder.. why? Why would I not have people banging down my door to do something with me on my own birthday? Am I that hateful? That and the cactus... maybe I am a cactus. No flowers, ugly cactus.



I'm not trying to hint here for flowers.. not at all. In fact, I'm thinking maybe I haven't really done anything to DESERVE them.. but not even flowers from my mom! There's a woman here who's mom heard she was having a bad day... sent her a FRUIT basket! ... And also some flowers. Her own mom. It wasn't even her birthday.

Maybe I don't treat my mom very well to deserve flowers, either. But that doesn't make me not want them.

Maybe I should send myself flowers. (Be easier than trying to be a good person who is loved and adored and gets flowers all the time) You can get flowers for three to five bucks.. the thing is, I know someone would find out that it was really me. And then it would be "Oh look... cactus girl has to send herself FLOWERS! HA HA HA"

There's another woman, I used to work with... her husband sent her something EACH day of Valentine's week... and then on Valentine's, he sent EVERY WOMAN ON HER TEAM a balloon and a candy and a stuffed animal! I was lucky enough to be on her team one year.

You gotta like a guy who treats his wife's friends/co-workers that well.

ALL week I was jealous... and then I got something too...

(I was still jealous)

She must be good in the sack, that's all I can say. I bet she gives ragin` blow jobs.

Anyway.. kinda got off the plant thing there... the thing is, I don't want a plant. Now I'm stuck with some woman's plant and another woman's idea of what I should have for a plant. And I have to ask, what is it about me that make people think I'm not a plant person, but I should have a sharp pokey unlovable cactus??? You can't stroke and love a cactus.... but then again.. maybe that's why I don't get flowers on my birthday.

TOP SECRET

I have a secret. I share this secret with one other person. Okay two other people. But that's it.


One other person and I are working on a "SPECIAL PROJECT".

I work with this person.

We will call her "Mary Ann"

I respect Mary Ann very much. She's a bit older than me. She's witty, she's smart, she's HILARIOUS, she's been around the world... (At least compared to me), Mary Ann speaks 4 languages that I know of, (fluently), and She's many other wonderful things.

Mary Ann asked me about a couple of months ago if I would like do do a special project with her.

It has to do with writing.

I said yes.

I am excited about this project.

Day after we had our first "meeting" regarding our project, she asked if I had told anyone else about it. I admitted, that yes, one other person.. and of course, mentioned something to my husband as he was calling me nonstop through the meeting and I didn't want him to freak out as he tends to do when he can't "locate" me. But I also said that my husband wasn't really interested in what it was as it wasn't about HIM and the fact that it wasn't something he doesn't want me doing... like having sex with other men. However, other women are negotiable.

Mary Ann asked that I don't tell anyone else the details about the project until we have completed it.

I agreed to her request.

So today... a week after our first meeting, we got together for lunch in work cafeteria to discuss the project. (Usually she has lunch with two of her other friends from our team.. although Mary Ann and I take break in the morning together and go get our coffee and tea, sometimes our breakfast... I didn't realize ~nor thought I would need to think~ this lunch would look out of "the norm")

As soon as I got back to my desk, I had an email: (Yes, I changed names here too...and if you knew what the names were before, you would be LAUGHING your ass off, I ASSURE you)

"Hey, so is Mary Ann upset with Merry or Zelda? That’s unusual that she didn't have lunch with them. Or maybe she hasn't been and I just didn't notice."

I, like The Grinch, thought up a lie, and I thought it up quick.

I said I was helping Mary Ann to plan a party.

It's something I'm fairly good at, so it was believable.

After I forwarded the email to Mary Ann so we'd be on the same page, I started thinking, (and would tell her soon after), that we ought to tell everyone a different reason each time we met.

But what we'll probably end up doing is meeting on weekends, away from work.

My thoughts here are that it's funny to me, that someone... no a few people would notice that we met for lunch.. that this was something to cause a buzz. It was funny to me that anyone would care. It's also funny that a group of grown women would be hurt if we were to be honest. That we can't tell them about our project... yet... and that we were keeping it a secret. Although maybe we would trust them.. (although I find it hard to trust most anyone lately...) we may not trust the people that THEY trust.... this makes perfect sense to ME.

I could tell you, oh trustworthy one, and you would tell your husband.. or trusted friend.. who tells someone else.. and that person STEALS our project idea.

And to think, all this time.. one year and four months, I thought that although I like my co workers, I never felt that I really "fit in" with them. All the while, it's maybe just that they have the "lunch pals" of theirs already set.

I did have lunch with Mary Ann, Merry and Zelda before.. but it was a chance thing and Mary Ann asked if I would like to join them... I couldn't say "No." so I didn't.

I will most likely blog what I can about the secret project, but I won't likely do that too often...

I like having a secret.

I can't help it.

Don't tell anyone.

Do it at home.

It's no secret that I can't stand people who are late.

One of the big reasons for this, is they show me when they're late, that no one in the world matters but them. Everyone else can WAIT for them. They do not value other people, nor do they value other people's time. Time is a precious thing to me. If I agree to a time with another person, I am rarely late. If I am going to be late for some reason, I will contact the other person/people and let them know I'll be late and I will apologize to the people that I am supposed to be meeting at a predetermined time that we had agreed to.

I digress.

I hate people, for the most part, who think they are the only ones who's time matters.

So imagine, if you will, how pissed off I get at the new thing I hate, that I didn't realize I hated, until coming to work over in the EDH "B2" building...



Here on the large second floor of the "B" building, we have a restroom like most other buildings... the restroom has the sink area separated from the toilets. Three sinks in this restroom.. count them. one, two, three.

There are approximately 6 toilets or so in the large bathroom.

Also on B2 floor, further away from the large bathroom is another, smaller bathroom. It has just two toilets. One is handicapped and one is "regular". It also has the one sink. If someone is ahead of you from using the toilet, you have to wait just a moment to wash your hands. That's ok.

What is NOT okay, is there is a woman who works here, as I do. As everyone on this floor does, in fact. She too, uses the smaller bathroom as it is closer to her (and my and many other's) desk.

But she doesn't just wash hands.

She likes to brush her teeth after every meal.

Good for her. She's so much higher than others, she brushes her teeth at work. In fact, I'll bet she's so rich, she has TWO toothbrushes! I bet she keeps one at work and one at home. Maybe even, if I dare dream, one for the car? Anything is possible.

Anyway, this woman will brush her teeth. She won't do it quickly because, like I said, she is so above others, she cares SO much about her teeth... you see, she's really important... and she brushes her teeth. At the ONE sink... with FOUR people waiting to wash hands.

She will stand in the center and not even move to the side so you can hurry and wash as she's just brushing.

This is the definition of a CUNT.

How selfish she is. She can easily walk a few paces further to the THREE sink restroom, to brush those man eating choppers of hers. But no. She takes up about ten minutes (maybe more) at the ONE sink to brush her teeth. No one else's time matters. She's also a "supervisor" and has an OFFICE and not a CUBE like the rest of us useless wastes of oxygen, so it's not like anyone can "tease" her or even cram the toothbrush down her throat.

People like her are very frustrating to me.

Maybe I have a control problem, but I really fucking hate cunts like her.

Plus I'm really jealous of her big boobs.


All MY brushing is done as it should be.. in the PRIVACY of my own bathroom! Never at work!

I have emotion at the wrong times.

Here are just some random thoughts... I'm not sure why I get excited over things like furniture, but not so much over family members... anyway.. here it is.. as I see it...

Here are some of the things I did over the weekend:
Friday night.. drank wine with one of my most favorite people. We got wine that was was in a bottle that was shaped like a cat. We both got pretty drunk too. It was fun. It's been a while since I did that. Got drunk off some cat.

Saturday morning cartoons told us that if you went to Gamestop that day, you could download a free Pokémon character. Naturally, we went so James could get his free character.
Also Saturday, I went to see "Shutter Island" with my mother in law. She had a hurt knee and all the handicapped spots were taken. So I drove her up to the doors. It was fun. We both had a really good time.. and that's not even including when I drove her up on the sidewalk to the front doors. Hanging out with me has it perks, you know.

Sunday we went BACK to Gamestop. We had to pick up the new Pokémon game that we had on reserve.

Later Sunday I went thrifting for a bit.. and even stopped at one of my favorite stores.. Six Yellow Chairs. Even bought some things for once.

I love the way I feel in that store.
I guess I could say I feel creative in that store.

Oh and I got a dresser for $7.50! At the thrift store. Me and Favorite are gonna paint and distress it. SO fun.

But I decided what to do for my hobby... I decided I'll turn that hobby actually into a "project", (not to be confused with another project I'm working on already with a co-worker), and actually write the book (again) that I wrote before and it was lost when my computer crashed. I will actually back my work up this time. And I'll publish it. Even if I SELF publish it.. I'm gonna do it. I want to say "I wrote and published a book." and have it be a true statement.

I think that's what I want to do.. for a "short term" goal slash hobby.

Just found out my sister is pregnant. Again.
I guess I should be happy. I feel.. nothing. I mean, she lives in Utah, I live in California. So it's not like I ever see the daughter she has now.

In fact, I only have 2 of my 5 siblings in this state.. only one niece close by.

The rest in brainwash central.

Thankfully not all of them are Mormon.

I'm not sad, I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong.. I'm happy for HER.. it's just that I'm not as close with my family as I once thought I would be. I think a lot of the "distance" emotionally is that I don't believe in the church that they do. In that church.. the LDS church, if you are not on "the path" that they have chosen, they kind of just drop you. I've seen it in every family.. every LDS family, that I know there is a "bad seed" in.

It's a shame. They claim to be all about family.. and they are.. so long as you see it "their way".

Shame.

What I want from life.

I always thought I knew.

But to tell the truth, no one's really ever asked. Not that it's their job to. It's just I've never thought "Ok, I'm gonna make a list... first, world peace, then a pony" but believe me, it won't be in that order.

So what DO I want?

I think I want a hobby.

That and to be adored by millions of people who I don't even know. So when someone who DOES know me is jealous and hates me, they have to feel stupid because.. look at all the people who love and adore me... what's wrong with them, that they can't love me?

I think what I better do is make something I want like a "small hobby" or something. Sort of like a small term goal... only a little more instantly gratifying... I'm all about instant gratification.



So what would I like to do? I already do a lot of useless crap. But nothing that I feel PASSIONATE about.

Should I FEEL passionate about a hobby? Maybe that's inappropriate.

I'll think on it some more tonight.. and maybe tomorrow, I'll be able to post something that I think I came up with. I don't think bein` hilarious is really a hobby. So that's out.

Time will tell.

Can't help myself.

I've come to realize I hate most people.

I really do.

I hate people in general. I hate them individually.

I don't try to. But I do.

I HATE people who say "It's all good." in response to anything. Say I'm trying to apologize for something.. "Hey I'm gonna be late.. and I ran over your cat..."

"It's all good"

Fuck you.

I hate people who say "No Worries." I may hate the phrase more than the person who says that. But it really makes my skin crawl.

I absolutely despise having to explain that I'm kidding when I say certain things. Stop acting like you didn't get it. Get off your high horse and laugh. Or at least ignore me. I will not explain my jokes. Just try and keep up.

I do not want to hear any more about federal health care.

I hate people who get the stomach surgery and then convince themselves they lost the weight on their OWN. They didn't. And they still look like shit. I also hate them for thinking they're now suddenly a nutrition expert. Sorry.. you aren't. Did I mention you still look like shit?

I hate people who have to constantly talk about their pregnancies. I don't care. Pregnant women make me sick to be honest.. pregnant princesses even more so, and the only one who is truly interested in your pregnancy is... you. Shut up about it. I wish you'd die and I have no remorse for wishing it.



And I truly hate people who post every single thing they are doing on their facebook status. (Or whatever social network they choose).. I mean I can see once in a while.. but the ever 3 minutes thing is absurd.

No one cares.. this also goes for people on social network sites who passive aggressively take shots at others. If you're too pussy.. or too in the wrong to come out and say what's on your mind, then maybe you should shut up.

(For the record, the person I have in mind will never read this blog, so I'm better than she is. Ha!)

I also can't stand when people ask my advice and when I give it to them, they think of all these ways of why "that won't work". Look, you don't have to take my friggin advice. Just stop wasting my time by asking!

I will most likely be adding to this list.. but for now, I think I'm out of hate.

Just for now. ;)

Kiddie Litter.

Last night I dreamt of a friend that I haven't even seen in a long time. She was pregnant and she had these twins... she asked me to watch the twins and she went back to the doctor and when she came back, apparently, there was one more baby inside her.I guess it just kinda came out at her appointment. Her mom told me that she absolutely could NOT have more than two babies at once and would I please see if anyone could have one of the babies.

Now, I'm not one who goes around "Ohhh I DREAMT THIS....OoooOOOOooo" but this dream keeps sticking with me all day. Freakin me out. So I emailed the friend. Don't worry, I didn't say anything like "Hey have any extra babies lyin` around you want me to give away?" I just said "Hey how are you?" I'll ask to pass out her babies later on if she emails me back.

I hope she doesn't. I don't know if I'm really comfortable with that. Babies aren't REALLY like kittens unless you have like over 5. Then it's a litter and it's time to close shop. Speaking as the oldest of six, I should know. It's MEAN. CLOSE UP SHOP.

Make me an Offer.

I love to yard sale.

I love to go sift through other people's crap and give them my money so it can be MY crap.

JUST because it's maybe sorta on the white trashy side, that is NO reason to not have some freaking MANNERS about how you "sell".

I have decided to list a few things that *I* feel everyone in the world should be born knowing.

1. PUT A PRICE ON YOUR CRAP! I'll elaborate. I HATE when I go up to the yard/garage sale and there isn't anything indicating how much the items cost. For one, I don't really feel like asking WHOEVER it is in charge (and sometimes it's hard to figure that out) "How much is this?" I want to see how much they want/think it's worth, and act accordingly. I'm not one to talk down prices a WHOLE lot, unless I can see that they're desperate, but I want to just KNOW HOW MUCH THEY WANT FOR THE CRAP! If you're too lazy to put a tag on each thing, do what one CLASSY YARD SELLER did! Put a sign on one table that says "ONE DOLLAR TABLE" and another was a "FIVE DOLLAR TABLE"

What a concept.

I don't want to say "How much is this?" for another reason... And THAT reason is: They are more prone to make the crap cost more, also, I don't want you to know I'm interested in case you're one of those jerks that says my next rule...

2. "MAKE ME AN OFFER." No. I do NOT want to make you an offer. I've been burned by this before. Lady, this is your CRAP that you no longer want. Don't tell me to make an offer unless you're willing to take what I offer.

Anecdote: There was an old stained glass window. Beautiful. HOWEVER, the bottom was BROKEN and the lead welding was bent up and I would have to do some serious work to it. I sigh and ask "How much is this?" "Make me an offer." I say "Ok, five bucks." That's what *I* thought it was worth. Garbage seller got all offended and said "No.. no.. I can't go that low for that." Ok, well why did you tell me to make an offer, ya stupid idiot?

I did, lightly point out to her, that it was broken... and left.. I was sorta uncomfortable after that.. she really did take my five dollar offer that SHE brought on, personally.

3. I DO NOT CARE what you paid for the now crap item. No I don't. I just LOVE when I'm forced to ask "How much?" and the person says "Well, lets see... hmmmm hem haw hem haw... well I paid 15 dollars for that and never used it.. blah blah blah...." Really? You paid FIFTEEN dollars for this melted candle that's all dusty? And back in 1983? WOW! I'm robbing you blind here!

4. Stop laying your trash on the driveway and calling it a yard sale. I swear, one time, it looked like someone was too lazy to drag the can to the curb and dumped it out on the driveway and called it a "yard sale" Items like broken old answering machines and old brick sized cell phones. Wires that go to who knows what? Old ugly fake Tupperware. Look, I followed your shoddy signs all the way to your house.. do me a favor and put something out that actual people might want. ALSO: No one wants your FADED comforters! They gross me out! Ariel's hair was RED not white!

5. On your sign PLEASE tell us that you only have baby and kid stuff. I don't want to get outta my car and find there are only car seats and naked Barbies.

6. Don't watch me! Even if I'm the only person at your crappy yard sale. I know you're watching me. It's obvious. Fine. But you don't have to go and say something every time I pick something up "That's 50 cents... oh that's brand new..." (By the way, it is NOT brand new or I would be buying it in a store.)

7.If I go to your sale, and end up not wanting anything, stop getting all butt hurt. Look, maybe I'm just out for one thing in particular that day. Or MAYBE I didn't want to ask how much every SINGLE thing cost. I'm leaving.. and it doesn't mean I don't adore your junk.

8. Do NOT.. under any circumstances, let your kids be "cashier" or run the show. Look, not to be rude, but I don't think little Billy is all grown up and handsome and smart. I'm not getting a kick out of him dealing with the "shoppers". I don't need some kid telling me how much the stuff cost and then not being able to make correct change. I'm sure the little creep has some homework to catch up on.. send him back in the house. It's not my fault he can't make any friends and has to hang around the house all the time. Stop punishing me. Go and buy him some friends with your money from your LAST yard sale.

9. When you're selling clothes, a good idea would be to hang them up on a rack of some sort. Or at least FOLD them and put them on a table. Don't be a slob and dump them in a pile on the ground! EW!

10. If you have something that someone bought, and they have to come back to get it because, maybe it's big and heavy.... why don't you put a sign on it that says "SOLD"?????? You're getting people's hopes all up! Look, I understand the idea that it gets people to stop and walk in and possibly buy more stuff.. but make the sign little at LEAST... so we'll stop opening and closing the drawers. I mean if *I* bought a dresser and had to come back, I would rather people weren't testing it out and wearing it down even FURTHER. These simple rules, that would SEEM to be common sense, are not hard to live by. In fact, you can buy very fancy price stickers at the Dollar Tree! Isn't that wonderful????

It breaks my heart right in two to think there are people out there who just don't follow these rules already.

Hopefully my listing these all out will inspire people to print this, and take it around to yard/garage/estate sales.

If we work together,it probably won't make the world a better place, but perhaps we can all get some cool crap, with minimal huffing and puffing!

The Baby is Eleven.

Yesterday James turned eleven.
Here's what we did.
We skipped school (I skipped work)
We got donuts and chocolate milk. James told me "I wanted to go to Donut Heaven." (Meaning "Heavenly Donuts") so I said, "Ok. We'll get chocolate milk here, and donuts at Donut Heaven. But we still got donuts at Safeway for Chelsea and Kendall. It's not a secret.
He was a little shocked that I was making him shower on this, the anniversary of his birth, but I told him that if he didn't, they won't let us into the restaurant." He smiled because he's proud that I'm a liar...and he showered. He may or may not have washed his hair.
We went on a lunch date.. just us.. to a sushi buffet. By the time we got there, we were STARVING. We got our food. He went back to the table before me.. I was still choosing (as there was more than just sushi, thank goodness). Then he came to find me. I look up and he said "Would you like me to wait for you to eat?" I thought that was one of the cutest things in the world. Maybe because I'm his mom. But still. It was cute. I told him no, and to go eat and joined him later.
The lunch was fun. It's fun to be with the most handsome guy at the restaurant. I should know. He was the smartest too.. but I'm also used to being with smart people.. that's a whole `nother story.
After we STUFFED ourselves.. and he got me samples of food he liked... we went and started our tour of Gamestops. Yay.
Member how (most of) you hated when your mom took you to the fabric store when you were small? Gamestop is my fabric store. But I faked it.
Later we picked up Chelsea, Kendall and Megan (Chelsea's BFF) and we went to Gamestop again..and other shopping places...
Then to Grandma Linda's so we could get his YUMMY Birthday Pizza. Now I see what all the hype was. He was describing it to me for a WEEK at least.
He chose Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner, although now, I think it's supposed to be called "KFC". I don't know why it's called that. I guess it's like the acronym phase we're all stuck in.. myself included.
Anyway, we went home and we saw Tungsten (cat) had gotten three presents for him and even took the time to... unwrap them... guts everywhere. It was so gross. Some mouse guts look like gray worms, did you know? I'll have to post a picture.
We also looked at his baby book. Which is something we do on every birthday... pull out the birthday person's baby book.
Anyway all in all, it was a good day.
I think it was for him too. Or at least.. that's what he TELLS me. I wish we could do it all over again, today. Cept the guts part.

First things first

It is interesting to me.. the blog thing.. that anyone would read something I wrote. Although it does happen on occasion.. But that's not why I started.. I since have left the myspace land of blogging... and come here. Why? Well, for one.. there is no "family" here to find me so far.. not that I want to bad mouth my family, mind you... it's just that sometimes, I feel more "free" to say what I will. Anyone who's written any kind of blog where "friends and family" and even loved ones... can read, you know that although you had NO idea you were being hateful.. someone always ends up butt hurt in some way. Then you have to feel all bad and be all sorry and really you aren't. But we all play the little "I'm sorry you feel bad that I said it's all your fault I'm fat now."
Whatever.

No really.. so this will be short as it's "my first" blog spot blog. I really used to enjoy the myspace blog.. but since that's so uncool now.. I venture elsewhere.

Here I am. Hope to get to know others.
I think. :P

Sidenote: (more of a question to start something I would like to address in the future)
Ever know anyone who is well over 30 years old.. who is NEVER happy? Has to be mad at SOMEONE or in a fight with SOMEONE on a constant? The person in the hot seat may change from time to time.. a rotation, if you will... but ever know anyone like that? I do. Sometimes it's humorous.. even entertaining.. but most times, it's irritating.. depends on my mood, I guess.